This was originally written on March 12, 2012 and has remained in the drafts section with no intent of it ever being published. Today’s writing challenge reminded me of it and I am going to let it free as a bonus post. As always, I never follow the writing challenge exactly. They are looking for stories of how eventual forgiveness was granted to the wrongdoer and that has not and will never happen in this case. No photo, no video clip. No heroic life arc. No edits.
Forgetting is a Gift to Yourself.
There are days when I seethe with anger at my father’s side of the family. There are days when I somehow create a bit of distance and look at the situation objectively and am in disbelief that it happened to me and is a part of me. More often, there are days that I completely forget about them all together.
Forgetting is not forgiving, forgetting is cleaning out the back of the closet and finding a pair of old ugly shoes that you never wear and just finally throwing them away. Forgetting is getting rid of all the stuff that you don’t use or need or want to define you anymore.
Forgiving is a gift to them, forgetting is a gift to yourself.
I still struggle with wrapping my head around behaviors and actions of that family. Their ability to smile for the camera as they knowingly destroy your innocence is unfathomable to me. “They must have experienced something horrible to make them so cold” I have heard from various people to excuse away their blatant disregard for the wellbeing of others. I say “No, they don’t get excuses. They were adults, they knew how to behave responsibly, and they choose to be small, to be petty, and to hurt others.” They do not get an excuse, they do not get a “pass.”
I hear they are not in good health and upon learning that, all I could think was that I hoped it was painful and humiliating, whatever the illness was.
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